Everyone knows about IQ ( Intelligence quotient) which measures a range of cognitive skills like reasoning, logic, and problem-solving. IQ assessment provides a score that indicates individual abilities and potential.
Many people think that EI or EQ – Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotients – is more important than IQ. In today’s post, I would present what is this in a nutshell and what habits characterize highly emotionally intelligent people.
This is the first topic regarding emotional intelligence. Many more will be published on my blog in the upcoming weeks.
EQ in a nutshell
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. This term was created by two researchers, Peter Salavoy and John Mayer in their article “Emotional Intelligence” in 1960. Later, Dan Goleman popularized that term in his book “Emotional Intelligence” in 1996. The last author defines EI as “the ability to identify, assess and control one’s own emotions, the emotion of others and that of groups.”
Researchers suggest that there are four different levels of emotional intelligence which include how we are: perceiving emotions, reasoning with emotions, understanding emotions, and managing emotions. There are many free and paid assessments to check your own level of the EQ. For example, you can check this easy test.
The EQ has a huge impact on our life. Mainly we are talking about Emotional Intelligence in terms of self-awareness, self-esteem, empathy for others, and reacting to conflicts, and responding to different events in our life.
We can improve this skill in many different ways. The first one is to learn how to pay attention to this what other people are saying to us – in other words, be a better listener. Secondly, have an ability to empathize i.e. be able to put yourself into someone else’s shoes – to really understand that person’s feelings. The last one, but not least is to reflect on your own emotions – how you deal with them and how they influence your decisions and behaviors.
5 habits of emotionally inteligent people
Let’s back to the topic of this post which is how to recognize that someone’s EQ is on a high level. We can do that by seeing that person’s emotional intelligence habits. I picked up five of them but of course, there are many more.
1. They know how to deal with negative self-talk
Self-talk, especially the negative one may stop us and cause many problems. The more attention you give to that the more power it has. A big step in the development of emotional intelligence is to learn how to deal with negative thoughts.
Individuals with high EQ are aware that they are just thoughts – not facts and they know how to deal with them on a daily basis. Those people try to demise the negative talks by noticing and questioning them. This habit also consists of the ability to find a background – in other words, what was the reason that these thoughts appear and look from them from a different perspective.
2. They are willing and able to discuss feelings with others.
It’s much easier to share empathy and listen to someone’s problem and try to understand that person’s emotions rather than sharing information about our own emotions. This is the biggest challenge that we could have to do that without fear and in an appropriate way.
What does appropriate way mean? Imagine the situation when you feel angry because you had an awful day at work. Instead of taking your anger out on others, (your partner, boss, friend) appropriate way is to try to first release some tension (by doing sport) and then talk, in a calm and rational way with someone. People with high EQ do not have problems sharing and discuss their emotions but at the same time, they know how to do it to avoid additional negative emotions and situations.
3. They are looking for support
We are just human beings and we don’t have answers to all the questions. Highly emotionally intelligent people know that others can share valuable advice which might help them.
In this point especially I’m talking about a situation that we are experiencing mental health issues. At first glance, people don’t see a reason to seek specialist help in that ( of course it might be not needed ). However, if we are aware of our emotions and we know that asking for help is not a shame we can react on time.
On the other hand, looking for support also means asking for a different perspective from different people if we face any tough situation. These opinions are really really helpful if don’t know what to do and we feel lost.
4. They are thinking before reacting
Very often, when we react without thinking (I mean very fast) to situations or someone’s opinion, we regret it with thoughts like “I wish I can say this and this in a better (different) way”. Sounds familiar? People who are working on emotional intelligence know that reaction should be preceded by reflection.
It’s very easy to do, but sometimes also very hard to remember. This habit is all about taking a pause, deep breath before we start thinking about the action as an answer to something. You will be surprised with the power of that pause – it can totally change your attitude hence your response. It requires practice and patience.
5.They maintain healthy boundaries and remember about self care
The last habit from this list is self-care which is a huge part of the life of people with high EQ.
First of all, they know how to set healthy boundaries. They don’t allow others to influence them in a way where they will feel emotionally bad. In that is also important to avoid toxic people and regularly review if all of the connection with other that they have are really don’t impact their mental health.
Secondly, those people remember about self-care. They are practicing meditation, self-compassion, and acceptance. They are also doing things that keep their minds share like learning something interesting.
Emotional Intelligence is a very important topic these days and totally worth caring about. In the next upcoming weeks, I’d like to present few related topics so keep your eyes on my blog.
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